The End of Youth

Tomorrow I turn 30. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Part of me feels it is the end of something, that I'll really never be successful because everyone brilliant makes some kind of mark on the world before they are thirty. I know this is completely irrational and looking back I have no real regrets. I am a different, I think better person than I was ten years ago and were it not for the experiences I had, I would not be here today. I have two beautiful sons and a handsome, wonderful husband who for all his silliness is my best friend. I would not trade what I have now for grad school, or a PHD, or time spent writing a book. My days are spent reading Dino Baseball and The Little Blue Truck ad naseum, instead of Lorraine Hansberry or Gloria Naylor. I'm lucky if I have the brain power to work out a few lines of poetry, let alone think about the book that has been shelved pretty much since I was sick and pregnant with Wesley. And that is okay.

I have found a lot more peace in my life as I approach 30 than I had a decade ago. Then I was very thin and addicted to being so. I was confused about what I wanted, in myself or anyone else. I was at the time a history major (second in the line of three majors I declared while in university) but I was unsatisfied with my classes. When I see pictures of myself from back then I almost don't recognize myself, so much has changed in my life since then.

Things I think I have learned: to be more at peace with my body. After having two kids I am no longer the size 2/4 I was when I got married, and that is okay. Beauty is so much more than a number, it is the kind of person you are as well as taking care of yourself. I work out six days a week but never step on a scale, because the perfectionist still in me has a hard time negotiating numbers. But I feel healthy and strong and attractive, so that is enough.
I have tried to learn to look for the good in people, to be understanding, to have a kind heart. It is hard when people really are ridiculous not to poke fun. I still fall short and am not always as forgiving as I should be, but I am trying.
I have learned that sacrifice is an important quality.
I have learned most surprisingly that I can survive (although not happily) on very little sleep.

I am still very flawed, as I'm sure you are all quite aware, so thank goodness thirty isn't the end. And thank goodness for a kind husband who took the day off tomorrow to spend with me as I mourn my lost youth :)

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Burrito baby

Cutest. Fredrick. Ever

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Four months went by too fast

My little Fredrick man is already four months old, and losing that infant look about him. He is teething, which frustrates him immensely, so he is rabidly drooling and chewing on everything. He has a smile that goes on for miles and chub I am so in love with. He is really good at maneuvering in the exersaucer and is pretty close to being able to roll. He has a saucy little personality and when he is unhappy about something he really lets you know. But he also gives the sweetest cuddles and smiles and just lights up when his big brother comes around. He still doesn't sleep through the night, but we are working on training him to sleep at certain times. I have this terror of moving him into Wesley's room at night, fearing that Wes will wake up every time Fredrick does, and then not going back to sleep. After three months we couldn't share a room with sir grunty (both our boys can be little snorers) so we split the difference and he has been sleeping in the pack n play in the living room. One of these days when I have had enough sleep to feel brave I will bite the bullet and put Fredrick down in the bedroom. Wish us luck!

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Three month check up

We took Fredrick in for his two month check up a bit late because of a mix up with our insurance. Here are his stats:

Weight 60%
Height 70%
Head 90% (there's our Johnson boy!)

He is doing really well, aside from having some problems with tummy bubbles. I have given up chocolate, which for me is a huge sacrifice. He has the biggest, brightest smile which he turns off the minute I pull out the camera (sly thing). I will keep trying to get photographic evidence of this dimpled phenomenon, because I think it might just prove he is the cutest Fredrick that there ever was.

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Terrific and Two

My little Wesley peanut went from this,

to this cute tot,
to this handsome two year old boy.
He was able to celebrate a little early with Grandma and Grandpa Johnson after Fredrick's blessing,
And then with more family when we went up for Connor's blessing. (Yes, I chopped my hair off. Mandy's mom is a hair genius and I love it.)

And then finally on his birthday with Grandma and Grandpa Weatherspoon.
Wesley, I love you. You are such a special boy. You have a sweetness about you that is so rare to find. You are so much fun to have in our home. I love your hugs, your cuddles, the cute way you are saying your words, your excitement about life, the way you love to read with me, and how good you are with your baby brother. We are so blessed to have you in our home as one of our family.

Thanksgiving 2010

This year we spent Thanksgiving in Salem, and LeGrand experienced the joy of having paid holidays. Such a great concept! My mom brined a turkey for all the carnivores, while I tried a VeganDad recipe which was a little labor intensive, but really delicious. Next year I think I will use my mom's famous stuffing for the inside, but other than that these are definitely a keeper. If you are of the meat-eating persuasion you should at least check out the chutney recipe--so delicious!

That is a face that has been drinking the wonderful secret-recipe holiday punch! It is a good thing that recipe makes a ton, because it is seriously "yum."

Out for an after-Thanksgiving walk!

Look at me all cute!

All bundled up going to (sleep) look for a Christmas tree with Grandma and Grandpa

Wesley's favorite part is the remote that controls the outside Christmas lights. The neighbors probably think my parents are sending out some kind of Morse code every time we visit.
I loved watching the season be magical for Wesley. He was so cute and excited about everything.
Fredrick was equally cute, if much less aware of what was going on. Don't you love their matchy outfits? (Thank you grandma and black Friday sales!)
And speaking of being matchy, look at our fun Christmas jammies. We all had matching ones thanks to the Children's Place outlet. You can see that LeGrand was absolutely thrilled to be decked out.
Look at this goofiness!
Our Christmas baby.

Fredrick at 2 months

I know that I am dreadfully behind. My excuses this time come from the fact that our laptop cord broke, and after we replaced it I was into the full-on rush of Christmas projects about which I'm always overly ambitious. The rush is over, so let the posts begin!

This was a picture of Fredrick on his two month birthday. He is such a good baby. He is on a pretty regular schedule, waking up twice a night and at two months he was starting to recognize us and we got the first little smiles. So fun! We love this little guy so much. He's a big baby . . . at this point he was already over 12 pds! His dimples are a constant source of delight to me.